ANXIETY IN THE CITY

This August I will be moving to New York to finish my undergraduate degree at the Fashion Institute of Technology. And although on the surface this sounds quite glamorous and exciting, moving to the Big Apple doesn't come without a little apprehension. Okay, A LOT of apprehension.

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Friends and family pose an all too familiar question: "Are you excited about going to New York?"

I pause, get an uncertain look on my face, then proceed to make a noise somewhere between an "ummmm" and an "ehhhhh."

This is usually followed up by a puzzled expression and them saying something along the lines of "What do you mean you're not excited?! You're going to be in New York," as if I already wasn't well aware.

Of course I am thrilled to be in one of the most vibrant cities full of culture, art and new experiences, but underneath all of the obvious selling points about my soon-to-be new home, there is an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am going into a situation that will require an immense amount of adjustment; which is something I am not good at. I am essentially uprooting my comfortably boring lifestyle and dropping myself in an unfamiliar setting that is full of unpredictable circumstances to which I have little to no control over. So excuse my lack of enthusiasm while I am basically shitting myself with fear.

Figuring out how to use the subway and navigate my way through the city. Sitting in 3 hour classes when I get extremely antsy being in any one place for an extended period of time. Applying for internships and determining a post-college career. Deciding if the dollar slice of pizza will be worth the unavoidable stomach ache. There are a lot of issues (and non-issues that I turn into issues) obstructing what should be feelings of excitement toward moving to New York. And it is extremely difficult for me to see past them.

(This is the part where one of my relatives reading this leaves me a comment on Facebook saying it will be a great experience and not to worry.)

So, why am I even going?

Well, what all of this comes down to is knowing I will never get an opportunity like this again. I will be at one of the greatest fashion schools in the world and will have a city full of opportunities as long as I am willing to reach for them. It would be foolish of me to pass this up just because the territory comes with a lot of anxiety and adjustment. How am I supposed to grow if I don't challenge myself?

Sure there will be nights of me lying in my shoe box-sized dorm room wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into, but at the end of it all I will come out greater because of the experience...or at least that's what I'm hoping.

#NYC #anxiety